Kafkaworld's Blog

December 24, 2011

On Christmas

Filed under: family,life — kafkaworld @ 3:27 am
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A confession – I unashamedly love Christmas.  I love it so much, it deserves a red font.

Yes I know it’s driven by consumer frenzy, cheap sentiment and meaningless, rambling hogwash everywhere you look BUT:

1.  I love that my family drive through the stinking Christmas traffic to visit and we are all together, even for just for a short time.  

2.  I love that most of them uncomplainingly endure at least two Christmas meals on one day.  They must be so stuffed by the time they reach us, but I’ve never heard a word about it.

3.  I love that it’s a day I can remember, with great joy, some of my special childhood Christmases and my Mum & Dad who went to so much trouble to make them so.  Although there was the time when they gave me a huge suitcase and waited for me to start packing.  I can’t blame them though; teenage girls would try the patience of a saint.

4.  I love that it’s about Jesus.  I am not a Christian but Jesus is surely one of my role models.  “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you” is all you really need as a guide to how to live your life.  Jesus also understood (from what little I know about him) that it’s okay to try, fail and try again (repeat ad infinitum) to live up to those words.

5.  I love the music.  Everything from Messiah,  the carols and Bach’s Christmas Cantata to Tim Minchin’s ‘White Wine in the Sun’.

6.  I love Christmas shopping.  Maybe I’m a little too intense and occasionally inappropriate parcels appear under the tree but what a joy when you get it right.

7.  I love that my own small family has made up its own traditions over the years and trust they will continue to do so long after I’m gone.  There’s such comfort in the knowledge that certain songs will be played, poems will be recited and the poodle will be sick in the centre of the carpet three minutes before the first guest turns up.

Happy Christmas.



March 28, 2010

Good news!

Filed under: Visual arts — kafkaworld @ 4:44 am
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Tim Minchin by Sam Leach

This portrait has won the 2010 Archibald Prize.   Not being an expert in art history, I have no idea if a painting of a comedian has ever won before, but I suspect not.  It’s heartening to see a man whose comedy is defined by the artist as “social commentary … and the appeal to reason over religion” not only appearing on the wall of a prestigious art gallery but winning a chunky $50,000 for the artist.

Tim’s comment that “I particularly like how he’s made my loungeroom floor look so clean – this will please my mother” is very pertinent to those of us who spend a week desperately cleaning the house and unclogging the toilet before Mother comes to stay.  We can then greet her at the door without guilt, and pretend that the house is always immaculate.  And she can pretend to believe us.

So good on you Sam Leach.  I hope you enjoy the hard won financial benificence, and that it makes your life easier for a while.

January 6, 2010

The Age of Discretion – When will I reach it?

Filed under: love — kafkaworld @ 9:53 am
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An embarrassing confession; I am totally besotted with Tim Minchin, not in an evil, stalker way, but in a dvd owning, gig attending relatively harmless way.

If I was talented, like Davida Allen, I would produce as series of erotic paintings as she did about Sam Neill, and people would be astonished at my brilliance and Tim would be my muse, not my pathetic fantasy.

But the ridiculous part is, I’m 60 and my “toilet bits” (a Minchinism) don’t work.  I could write reams about that alone and methods I have tried to improve the situation.  Incidentally, why don’t we hear more about elderly women’s sexuality in the Courier Mail?  There’s endless drivel about men and how important their penises are.  Can’t see what all the fuss is about myself.  But then I suspect that my obsession with Tim has little to do with sex.

So what’s love all about anyway? ‘What’s love but a second hand emotion’?   And what does that lyric mean?  When I was young with a body capable of physical sexual responses, sex was certainly involved in my relationships but that was never all or even most of what it was about.  Only  once in my life did I ever fall in love at first sight, and that was with a woman and it ended badly.  Well, not badly really.  Once I got to know her, I discovered my body had actually made a good choice for me, just not a very practical one.  But I really had no interest in one night stands or notches on bed posts.  For me, it’s all about brain sex, a growing  fascination with somebody’s mind.  So much so, that I’m barely able to recall what my nearest and dearest were wearing last time I saw them, or what colour their hair is this week.

This is, and will continue to be a burden as I’m obviously going to be susceptible to sudden intense infatuations until the day I die.  I did hope that when my body lost interest, so would I.  I was looking forward to becoming a decorously staid old lady, no longer in danger of  falling slowly but desperately in love and consequently behaving like a moony adolescent, a source of embarrassment to my children.

Back to Tim Minchin (about time!) , who has done nothing to deserve my adoration except to be a witty wordsmith, a talented musician and heartbreakingly vulnerable.  Lest you feel this is all very unfair on my HB*, he is currently fixated on Kristen Schaal, who appears in ‘Flight of the Conchords’.  Could it be  coincidence that, for Christmas, I bought him a Tim dvd and he bought me the Conchords second season? Married people get so devious after the first 30 years!  So we’ve had a couch conference and, to avoid unseemly squabbles, we watch one episode of the Conchords followed by one Tim song and everybody’s happy.

On second thoughts, perhaps these elderly affaires de coeur aren’t so bad.  At least they keep us off the streets where we could cause real problems.

* HB=husband.  I can’t be doing with the term ‘partner’.  It sounds much too business like, and we are definitely beyond the GF/BF stage.

December 7, 2009

What I’d Like for Christmas

Filed under: Uncategorized — kafkaworld @ 3:16 am
Tags: , , ,
  • 1.  David Tennant reciting this to me personally:


“Love Poem” by Michael Leunig

“I search and search and find no dorks,

I search the whole world through.

But not a single dork I find

Except for the dork in you.

I can recall when dorks roamed free;

As free as the sky was blue.

But now the dorks are cool and hip

Except for the dork in you.


I search and search and find no dorks

And everything’s groovy and new

But not very loving or not very kind

Except for the dork in you”


  • 2. Radiohead singing ‘Reckoner’
  • 3. Matthew Macfadyen reciting ‘Ode To a Nightingale’


  • 4. Tim Minchin singing ‘Christmas Song.

(note – they all have to be in the my house)

  • 5. World peace , of course. Doesn’t everyone?  Oh.  Maybe not.

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